Healing Update

As many of you know, I went through a post-college-graduation struggle with social phobia. If you want to get the detailed story, see this blog. The quick recap: I left my comfort zone in college to come home to a very changed church (much larger in number and with many new faces,) new acquaintances (some are now good friends, some just never clicked,) and a wide open world of possibility (bringing this structure-oriented girl a lot of insecurity.) I began to experience a lot of internal battle over facing so much newness. The battle grew in intensity over a couple of years and hit its climax just over two years ago when I finally went to a counselor, quit my job, and backed down from some of the leadership responsibilities i’d taken on. At that point, my journey of healing began.

In February 2007, this is what I wrote about a breakthrough toward getting over the severe anxiety i’d been dealing with after a year.

So I figured it was time for a fresh update. I am overjoyed to announce that the anxiety I used to experience in EVERY type of social setting is now significantly less. This is especially exciting considering I started a new job in January and at this job am required to participate in many weekly meetings, do a little presenting here and there, and mingle with intimidating locals (we have a ritzy lake area in our county that attracts a lot of wealthy, polished families and retirees.)

I was just telling Philip last night that lately I have been tested in most of the areas that used to bring me to panick level and I have - Praise God - been able to pass with flying colors. My mind isn’t buying into lies like it used to, my body isn’t going out of control at the mention of meetings or being called upon to give a report for my responsibilities. I can and am leading bible studies again (something I GREATLY missed.) I have been leading worship (with the safety net of other band members) and am actually becoming confident in that instead of barely getting by.

The major lingering difficulty I have is reading in front of others. I continue to pray that God will knock that one out as well over time.

I hope my update can bring some of you with similar struggles hope and courage. Healing will come, be patient, pray continually, and focus on intimacy with Jesus rather than the struggle.

God’s Perspective on Labor

This is a thought from John Piper to go along with the “musings” section of my last post:

“Nowhere does Jesus show contempt for work. He said of his own disciples, as he sent them out, “The laborer deserves his wages” (Luke 10:7). He intends people to work and to provide for their own and others’ needs. St. Paul taught the same thing. “If anyone will not work, let him not eat,” he says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10. In Ephesians 4:28 he says, “Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his hands, so that he may be able to give to those who are in need…

Jesus does not mean stop working for a livelihood, but rather, in your work set your eyes on something other than the “food that perishes(John 6:27.)” Perhaps the best parallel is Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.” Don’t seek the “food that perishes.” God will supply that. You seek the kingdom; seek the bread that endures to eternity. Don’t expend the effort of your mind and your will and your body to try to satisfy yourself with things. Expend your effort instead with a view to finding Christ exalted and satisfying in all you do…

Jesus calls us to be aliens and exiles in the world. Not by taking us out of the world, but by changing at the root how we view the world and do our work in it.”

Excerpt from “Do Not Labor For The Food Which Perishes” sermon on Desiringgod.org

Life Update & Latest Musings

It’s nearly May….where did the winter go??? This year goes on record for being the fastest/least depressing winter season in my whole 25 years.

I love my job. Yes, it has its challenges - but compared to past jobs that required hanging out with wild and damaged teenagers day and night or driving forty-five minutes so I could sit and do very little for hours straight, this job’s challenges are a cakewalk. I am so incredibly blessed by it.

Phil and I have been asked to take on more ministry responsibility at church. Now before you question my ability to say no to too many responsibilities - this one is actually just an off-shoot from what we already do all the time anyway. Hang out with new young couples at the church and guide them through a short bible study so we can help them get through those first stages of spiritual growth. A sort of couple-to-couple discipleship, if you will.

Which brings me to my next thought…