Breakthrough

Well, Ladies and Gentleman, I did it! The impending testimony I spoke about in my last blog is done, final, completed, in the past, and no longer looming ominously in my future. It went well also. I had written about three pages of detail about the anxiety issues so that I would have something to provide guidance but I didn’t even follow it. It’s strange but the idea of reading something in front of people is actually more nerve racking to me than just saying what comes to mind. It may have something to do with the fact that speaking improvisationally requires more focus than reading a page and whatever requires more of my attention takes away the vulnerability to think those fearful, dooming thoughts. It’s interesting how a phobia plays itself out.  It’s so deceptive. The simpler the task, the more nervous I get, the harder the task, the less I can afford time to get worked up about it.

Anyway - I have reached a breakthrough point. I went through with the testimony, didn’t fumble around too much or end up in a fetal position in the corner out of my mind like my body wants to do, and now I have just a little more confidence. Praise the Lord! He takes over my body and mind when my efforts to control them prove useless.