Healing Update

As many of you know, I went through a post-college-graduation struggle with social phobia. If you want to get the detailed story, see this blog. The quick recap: I left my comfort zone in college to come home to a very changed church (much larger in number and with many new faces,) new acquaintances (some are now good friends, some just never clicked,) and a wide open world of possibility (bringing this structure-oriented girl a lot of insecurity.) I began to experience a lot of internal battle over facing so much newness. The battle grew in intensity over a couple of years and hit its climax just over two years ago when I finally went to a counselor, quit my job, and backed down from some of the leadership responsibilities i’d taken on. At that point, my journey of healing began.

In February 2007, this is what I wrote about a breakthrough toward getting over the severe anxiety i’d been dealing with after a year.

So I figured it was time for a fresh update. I am overjoyed to announce that the anxiety I used to experience in EVERY type of social setting is now significantly less. This is especially exciting considering I started a new job in January and at this job am required to participate in many weekly meetings, do a little presenting here and there, and mingle with intimidating locals (we have a ritzy lake area in our county that attracts a lot of wealthy, polished families and retirees.)

I was just telling Philip last night that lately I have been tested in most of the areas that used to bring me to panick level and I have - Praise God - been able to pass with flying colors. My mind isn’t buying into lies like it used to, my body isn’t going out of control at the mention of meetings or being called upon to give a report for my responsibilities. I can and am leading bible studies again (something I GREATLY missed.) I have been leading worship (with the safety net of other band members) and am actually becoming confident in that instead of barely getting by.

The major lingering difficulty I have is reading in front of others. I continue to pray that God will knock that one out as well over time.

I hope my update can bring some of you with similar struggles hope and courage. Healing will come, be patient, pray continually, and focus on intimacy with Jesus rather than the struggle.

A Story to Tell

Last weekend was the annual women’s conference at my church. One of our staff wives and her team work extremely hard nearly all year to create a conference specifically for our little community so that women don’t have to pick up and travel and can invite their neighbors to a local event. I appreciate the effort greatly and for the past three conferences have pitched in with my video/technical skills, so I am usually somewhere hidden in the back running computers and a video camera.

Despite my constant preoccupation with equipment, however, I was able to glean some good information from the speaker - Dr. Rosanne Coleman. She was fantastic, as all the speakers always are, and funny as all get-out. Her topic for the Friday night session was unusual for the type of conference it is but I thought she made an excellent point. Her emphasis was that Christians need to be more proactive with telling our stories. We all have a story to tell - not just a summary of our salvation testimony - but stories about when and where and how God has specifically touched us, provided for us, or led us perfectly.

Waiting for the Catch…

Well, I just successfully completed my first full week of work. It has been a wonderful experience so far. I told my husband (no, I’m not a pessimist but I am a realist) that I keep waiting for the catch…it can’t be this good forever, can it? I’m going to anticipate that it will. The two full-time jobs I’ve had right out of college had major “catches” - long commutes, 24-hour on-call, intimidating bosses, boredom, out of control teenagers….just to name a few. This one keeps me very busy, the days fly by, the staff are all very helpful and extremely kind, and the tasks I’m assigned are well suited for me. I am so blessed!! Thank you Jesus!!

Getting used to the new job has eaten up most of my attention this week but I do have a couple of other developments to report:

-I’m trying to be a habitual coupon clipper! I almost NEVER use coupons but I have been wishing I had some everytime I buy groceries and so now i’m trying to make that a weekly goal - check up on the online coupon sites. I’m a fan of coupons.com - any other suggestions?

-My husband turned 24 yesterday. We had a relaxed steak dinner at home last night to celebrate.

-Very close family friends of ours are leaving next week to start training for overseas missions. We have experienced all the preparation and emotions with them for the past several months and I can’t believe they’re really going soon. It’s going to be a really big adjustment. I’m probably one of the more positive of those of us left behind because I have such a love for overseas missions and hope to do the same thing myself someday so I’m more excited for them than disappointed for myself and the loss of their close proximity. They are committed to stay for three years and I realize that’s a very big deal but It’s SUCH a glorious opportunity - a call to overseas missions, WOW!

I think that’s it for now. Go Giants!