Healing Update
As many of you know, I went through a post-college-graduation struggle with social phobia. If you want to get the detailed story, see this blog. The quick recap: I left my comfort zone in college to come home to a very changed church (much larger in number and with many new faces,) new acquaintances (some are now good friends, some just never clicked,) and a wide open world of possibility (bringing this structure-oriented girl a lot of insecurity.) I began to experience a lot of internal battle over facing so much newness. The battle grew in intensity over a couple of years and hit its climax just over two years ago when I finally went to a counselor, quit my job, and backed down from some of the leadership responsibilities i’d taken on. At that point, my journey of healing began.
In February 2007, this is what I wrote about a breakthrough toward getting over the severe anxiety i’d been dealing with after a year.
So I figured it was time for a fresh update. I am overjoyed to announce that the anxiety I used to experience in EVERY type of social setting is now significantly less. This is especially exciting considering I started a new job in January and at this job am required to participate in many weekly meetings, do a little presenting here and there, and mingle with intimidating locals (we have a ritzy lake area in our county that attracts a lot of wealthy, polished families and retirees.)
I was just telling Philip last night that lately I have been tested in most of the areas that used to bring me to panick level and I have - Praise God - been able to pass with flying colors. My mind isn’t buying into lies like it used to, my body isn’t going out of control at the mention of meetings or being called upon to give a report for my responsibilities. I can and am leading bible studies again (something I GREATLY missed.) I have been leading worship (with the safety net of other band members) and am actually becoming confident in that instead of barely getting by.
The major lingering difficulty I have is reading in front of others. I continue to pray that God will knock that one out as well over time.
I hope my update can bring some of you with similar struggles hope and courage. Healing will come, be patient, pray continually, and focus on intimacy with Jesus rather than the struggle.
